I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real live shepherd.
I’m familiar with the image. Pastors are called shepherds of their flock, and as parents – as well as grandparents, aunts and uncles and god-parents, we are a kind of shepherd for our family and children. But I wonder what we know about sheep and shepherds and shepherding beyond romanticized and sanitized images.
So I did some reading this week to learn what Jesus and the early church would have taken for granted – for instance, that “the life of a shepherd was anything but picturesque. It was dangerous, risky and menial. Shepherds were rough around the edges, spending time in the fields rather than in polite society. For Jesus to say, ‘I am the good shepherd,’ would have been an affront to the religious elite and educated…A modern-day equivalent might be for Jesus to say, ‘I am the good migrant worker.’”
Like the migrant workers in the background of Niagara society, or the 800 who drowned last week trying to make it across the Mediterranean from northern Africa to Italy. How often parents and pastors feel like that – that they’re toiling away in the background, doing work no one else will, maybe sometimes in over their heads and drowning.
Something else Jesus and his followers would have known is that a shepherd leads – and must always lead, the sheep. I read this week about sheep not behaving like cows. Cows are herded from the rear by shouting cowboys, but if you stand behind a herd of sheep and try shouting at them, they just run around behind you. They prefer to be led, and will not go anywhere unless someone – their trusted shepherd, goes first, and shows them everything is all right. They see the shepherd as part of their family; they come to know and trust their shepherd’s voice; and as long as the shepherd is willing to go somewhere, they will follow.
Going ahead of the sheep and leading is not the same as having all the answers, always being right, and being the expert on everything your children or your parishioners need to know. But how often do I act as though that were the case – or at least that I need others to see me that way, to feel like I am being a good parent and pastor?
I know I’m not alone in worrying about stuff like this. I was surprised in my 40’s when I had a good heart-to-heart with my dad and he talked about the ways he felt weak and like a failure as a father. When Japhia and I get together with friends and siblings we often share questions we have about ourselves and our behaviours as parents. If ministers were more honest with one another I’m sure our clergy gatherings would include a lot more talk about our self-doubts and anxieties about our own work.
And yet … we still are good parents and pastors – good shepherds, as others often assure us. I know my dad’s weaknesses and mistakes, but he was a good father. Some of my friends are the best parents I can imagine. And the minister I have most admired and loved in my life once confessed in a sermon to a feeling he had one sleepless Saturday night at 3 or 4 in the morning of just wanting to throw his colicky infant daughter against a wall to make her be quiet so maybe he could finish the next-morning’s sermon he was still struggling with, and get some rest before he had to preach it.
I love that minister for a lot of reasons, and the brutal honesty of that one sermon alone would have been sufficient. It makes me wonder how one can be both bad and a good parent, bad and a good pastor, bad in some ways and a very good shepherd at one and the same time?
The Gospel doesn’t seem at all concerned with whether they’re good or bad shepherds. No attention at all is paid to their moral character, how they are with the sheep, with one another, or with other people. Chances are they’re quite ordinary – a mixture like all of us of good and bad, weakness and strength, good common sense morality and a healthy dose of moral compromise and sin.
But there they are, front and centre every Christmas -- in the carols we sing, on the front of Christmas cards, in nativity sets, in every Christmas pageant ever staged. They’re role models, we’re encouraged to be like them and to walk in their footsteps.
I think of the minister who confessed his murderous thought towards his daughter – a horrible thing to feel and confess to the church. He did all he could to be a good and loving father, and he was. But he also knew he could think terrible things, act unkindly at times, do and say things he later regretted, and not always be right or sure or certain.
He led the way– not by knowing all the answers, or by fixing everything for everyone, or by being always good and upright – but by being able to bring both the good and bad of his behaviour, the strong and weak of his character, the certainties and questions of his life out into the open, into the community of faith, and into his dialogue with God and with others. He showed us it’s possible to do that, that it is the way – the only real way to new and good life, and that we need not be afraid of going there ourselves.
Do we not want our children to know that too? And how will they know, if not by seeing it in us – showing them the way by walking it ourselves ahead of them, letting them know it really is all right to go there?
No comments:
Post a Comment